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(no subject)

Mar. 17th, 2006 | 09:57 am

Just got back from the dentist..woooo! Got 3 hours of sleep then had to get up to go get my root canal and 2 fillings, wasnt bad tho..they gave me the anistesia stuff so I was as loopy as it gets..my dentist is hott to, so thats a plus hahaha. Yo I felt like I was on a permenent 2 hour Air Duster high..Shellster you tihnk we used to have fun with duster with beaner and chad..try the dentist stuff..its the same exact type of high except at the dentist they leave the mask on you for 2 hours at a time..or atleast they did me cuz of the procedure so i was fuckin wooooooooooo, and my heart was racing, my insides were tingly, I was sloberring everywhere becuz of the shot & the nitrous mixed, I was goin nuts..I loved it haha, then he gave me loratabs for pain..so hopefully I wont be in too much pain when this shot wears off and im into reality again..<3

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(no subject)

Mar. 8th, 2006 | 07:53 am

In a few hours my plane leaves for new york..fun right? ofcourse...heh. Find all that bad news out yesterday PLUS go to my hair appt. after the doctors appt. and the hair salon fucked my hair up...goddamnit life just loves me! Now I have to go to new york as a bronze/reddish/brownish head girl that knows when she gets back she has to have the most painful operation she ever had..now I'm not just sick, but I'm ugly..what happened to self-confidence!!!! I fuckin hate people and I dont feel like getting on that fuckin plane...I look terrible...

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(no subject)

Mar. 7th, 2006 | 03:41 pm

You know whats fuckin great? gettin a call from the gyno saying u have to come in for a emergency visit then getting there to be told there are 3 stages of cervix cancer, 1 meaning its developing, 2 meaning its developed but can be cut out, and 3 meaning its deadly..then being told ur on the 2nd stage! how fuckin great huh? Oh how I love life..or maybe the problem was I didnt love it enough so Im being punished by being a 16 yr old with cervix cancer and having to have it cut out with no anistetics...its goin to be painful and I just cant believe this is happening...

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(no subject)

Mar. 2nd, 2006 | 12:30 am

Why is it that the things we hate still have enough of an importance to taunt us and make us who we are today? I generally dispise more than I love, but too me passion could never fall to second place. I've always feared being too dependant on someone of the male species, therfore no matter how much I love someone there will always be those trust issues in the back of my mind that provoke my jealousy, my outrage, and my need for sekurity. My past taught me alot about who I am, where I stand, and what I take, accept, and make myne. I teknically don't believe in second chances yet I've given away more of them than I'd care to admit to. No matter how fast you run, the past will always have the capability of taunting you, teasing you, and possibly destroying you, but you have to defeat what you fear. The easiest thing to find is fault, yet it remains the hardest man-made flaw to accept. I have the right to be angry when I feel it, I have a right to skream harsh words when I feel it's necessary, I have the capability of being who I was born to be. Nothing could make up for things that have already happened, I don't forgive OR forget, I just move on whether its too a new situation or to a present one where I block what I disagree with. Acknowledge what deserves to be known & never make me feel any less than what I know I am.

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(no subject)

Feb. 28th, 2006 | 10:13 pm

the FUNNIEST thing in the fuckin world jus happened LOL IM FIXIN TO PISS MYSELF, so everyone remembers the nutkase i dated and lost my virginity to lonnnng ago, Richard? well his new girlfriend/fiance/playdough face wutever u wanna call her contacts me online to tell me if i dont quit callin his cell phone shes goin to hunt me down? LOL WHY IN THE FUCK WULD I CALL HIM? ESPECIALLY TO WASTE MY LONG DISTANCE ON HIM PSHHH YEAH RIGHT!! This bitch is very amusing. Okay he is a broke bastard and she pays his cell bill therfore I didnt kno he even had a cellphone, i didnt even kno the nasty bastard lived where a phone was or where he lived in that situation!! lol why are girls so stupid? She like stalks me and goes and looks at my pictures litearlly 20 times a day, i have a tracker on my page and it shows who goes to it..oh man that is halarious..maybe she wants to fuck me? huh? hahahahhaha. she was all like HES NOT GOING TO GO BACK TO U SO FUCK OFF HE'S HAPPY HE DONT WANT U HE WANTS ME HE LOVES ME WE'RE GETTIN MARRIED HES MINE NOT URS i was litearlly laughin my fuckin ass off, I never said I wanted him, never said he wasnt happy, never said he didnt love her!! lol I havent seen him in over a year so why wuld I "stalk" him! HAHAHAHA its halarious! but yeahhhhhhh off of that piss urself laughin fact and on to another, yayyy i see jon in a week! Im so excited, I miss him like crazzy!! I'm ready for all the awesome shows too, on the 9th I see Bleeding Through, Between the Buried and Me, Haste The Day, and Everytime I Die! then on the 10th its one of Jon's shows and ther playin with 2 signed bands which is awesome! the 11th is another one of jon's shows, and so is the 12th haha. So atleast I'll be busy, then the other days are jus get drunk & chill days!<3 Im ready to see him & everyone else too, yay I move in like 85 days or somethin like that..can u guys believe Ive lasted almost 9 months with one guy? good lord SHOOT ME! but its grrrreat and we're happy and I love my diamond..afterall u culd never hate a man enough to give him his diamond back rite ;) lol j/k. Moving in together in may is going to be fun tho, or atleast I hope so but its goin to be intresting living with him and it being just us two, a verrry different experience for me, haha and he'll have to do the cooking and cleaning cuz kyra don't roll lyke that ;) lol<3 WoW I keep ranting sorry u guys ! but u love me!

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(no subject)

Feb. 26th, 2006 | 10:29 pm

Im soooooooooooo fuckin irritated! Dont kno why but EVERYONE is pissing me off, I feel like murdering the world!! lol..then being the only living human! Mayb I jus get irritated too easy? hmm who knows! but i wanna shoot someone, stab someone, skream at someone, and just take a random person and shake them til they go into convulsions!!!!!!! okay enough said. just a little ranting...

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(no subject)

Feb. 21st, 2006 | 10:08 pm

 
I can show you something so much more the words if you just look into my eyes.  Can I be your favorite girl? Can I be your favorite Whore? Can I be your favorite fuck..& so much more?  Would you ever miss my messy hair, my lipstick smears, my morning breath, my uncontrollable fears? Name your price, cuz with my game I can spit any amount I want, how about you take ur cheap words & sell them elsewhere. Maybe the truth is you'll never be quite that special. Sometymes there's never enough tyme to do all the destruktion I dream to do. You can start pickin me apart slowly all you want, work at ur own pace but I'm sure I'll die of natural causes before you succeed in destroying me.<3 Maybe a new addiktion is all you need to get a lyttle excitement. I'm not asking you to change your ways, I'm telling you to deal with the way I am. Over analyze all the words, you only wish you'd hear me whisper to you. Grasp a concept of the dimensions that make you exactly who you are & what I hate. Between the sheets I'll find that confidence to tell you exactly what I need you for, dirty thoughts & indeskribable aktions, we'll be the new definition of sex-appeal, maybe the truth is I'm just a whore. Self-conklusion..I mean more than you ever will to him. I used to hold you lyke you were all I want, now I hold you lyke you're all I have. Maybe I'm just the hazard you were looking for, let's paint it in agony becuz I own ur dignity. Revenge is the only way to make them feel regret. I'll paint you with all of your insekurities & laugh as I tell you I give you my best regards. Maybe I'm selfish, but it's the only thing I've learned to be. The walls were shaking, my legs were trembling, the bed was rocking...it was a "movie produced masterpiece" & I bet I culd have made you believe anything at that point in tyme. C'mon Baby, let me down, you kno its wut ur good at!
 

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(no subject)

Feb. 21st, 2006 | 06:47 pm

Im so fuckin irritated that I feel like takin a butcher knife and stabbing 5 million holes in the wall and jus ripping it to fuckin shreds!! grr I got bored so went on a little spree through all my clothing, I have millions and millions of tops & a pretty large amount of jeans, but Im sitting here tryin on clothes gettin cute outfits together as i always do jus startin a early decision process on wut clothing Im bring on my trip to new york, cuz im goin to shows galore as always ofcourse, well I start goin through all my adorable tops found tonz of cute ones i wanna bring then I get to jeans, I put on a few pairs and it seems Im jus NOT satisfyed with the way my jeans fit anymore, i FUCKIN HATE MY GODDAMN BODY i wish i culd just take a butcher knife and cut everything below my torso off and sew a new one on!!!! im satisfyed with my torso but i need hips, a bigger ass, and LONGER FUCKIN LEGS, I need new jeans so bad but I cant fuckin find any that fit me right, its fuckin REDICULOUS WHEN YOU CANT GET NEW JEANS CUZ NONE FUCKIN FIT U!!! petite inseams are usually like 30", I fuckin wear a 28" inseam therfore PETITE IS EVEN TOO FUCKIN LONG AND PETITE IS UGLY FUCKIN CLOTHES ANYWAY CUZ THEY NEVER HAVE GODDAMN HIPHUGGER CUTE STRETCHY HOTT JEANS!!! im so fuckin irritated that im litearlly crying over jeans, I HATE it because all these girls are always like "I wish I had ur body size, ur so tiny I WISH i wore a double 0" WELL NEWSFLASH STUPID BITCHES, BE SATISFYED WITH UR FUCKIN SIZE 5'S BECUZ I WULD DO ANYTHING TO FUCKIN FIT IN A SIZE 3 OR 5, A DOUBLE FUCKIN 0 SUX DONKEY BALLS! ESPECIALLY WHEN 00 SHORT IS STILL TO FUCKIN LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God im litearlly disgusted to the point where I gotta puke! Thanks god for givin me such a fuckin fabulous body huh!?!?

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(no subject)

Feb. 14th, 2006 | 09:34 pm

Maybe noone's ever listening, Maybe my mind's always in a twist, Maybe I'm not the prettiest, Maybe I'm always pissed, but it's me..get over it. I don't believe in most goodbyes, Loyalty is all I crave, I have morals you'll never understand & I'll never be anyone's slave..I'm real.  I live for self-respekt, I breathe to have my own pride, I'm often underestimated, but truth & reality eventually collide,  oneday you'll realize I'm not what you underestimate me to be.   Change often frustrates me & I'm not always the best, but I'm always up for a challenge..so put me to the test. I don't always show my knowledge & with the world I don't always agree, but that shouldn't matter, because its the REAL ME. I always remember memories & honesty I always use, my body you'll never hurt, my ego you'll never bruise. I can curse lyke a sailor, I can throw a football lyke a boy, I'm not living to be a model, not living to be a toy. I have a mixture of qualities & I really don't care, if you don't lyke what you fuckin see than why the fuck do you stare? I speak my mind very clearly & my words are sometimes cold, I make my statements known, I make my words BOLD. I'm sometymes irrational & I often complain, I dream of destruktion yet I know I'm quite sane. I have psychotic tendencies and I'm a jelous bitch, but I'm not your average robot with uniqueness becuz of a fuckin glitch. My eyes don't twinkle, My hips don't curve, My lips aren't the fullest & when I drive I swerve..I'm not meant to be perfekt & u sure as hell aren't to great yourself.  I wish on pretty stars & I sing in the shower, I lyke to be right & I often crave power. My trust isn't cheap & neither am I, get on my bad side..& I swear you'll fuckin die. My strength is untolerable but I can tolerate your pain, you say I'm just worthless I say I've got a lot to gain. I sacrifice nothing & I never give in, I don't bow down to anyone & I always sin. I don't get on my knees, I often run in the rain, I sing in the shower, I enjoy physical pain. I'm told I hit lyke a man, I never dress scene, I can be quite nice, I can be pretty fuckin mean. I make it through my tragedies yet I live to make more, I'm not a typical slut, but I'm a lyttle Pleasure-Whore. I wish my boobs were bigger, I wish I had a new face, but this is who I am & I've accepted lyfe's disgrace. I pop too many pills, A werewolf owns my heart, I'm unhealthly obsessed with many things & I'm a new era to start. I can sometymes be selfish, I may oneday overdose on ego-suicide, but if I never make it..they can never say I never tried. Camo makes me smile, breakdowns make me happy, maybe I'm not the skinniest but atleast my tummy isn't flappy. I hate frogs & mayo and I lyke to observe fear, My mother is my hero tho I don't always make that clear. I'm aggressive & intolerant but if you love me you understand, I'm not here to please the world, not here on popular demand.  I'm here to be Kyra, the one I love to be, gotta a problem with who I am..step up & tell me.  I make mistakes, I fight for what's mine, I search for what I need..I'm a new star to shine. I may be a hollywood rejekt, I may not be your dream, but when reality is the truth, I'm all that this may seem.

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(no subject)

Feb. 13th, 2006 | 01:35 am

Depth in the absence of beauty, Knowledge in the absence of power, you have the capability to be exactly who you were meant to be. Grasp all of your possessions, for you could lose them in the blink of your eyes. Dream of a non-existent forever, indulge in the scent of decay, we're only born to rot lyke the rest. Glamour can't buy happiness & beauty can't buy love, but I could buy your every word if the price is right. Mistakes may lead to tragedy, but tragedy leads to a tale, and no tale is ever forgotten. Dreams can be crushed, hope can be shattered, any cykle can be broken just lyke the rest. A future at a glance, a past with no regretz, who the fuck do you think I am? The world culd never understand my depth, for noone will ever know me that well. Maybe I'm not a pretty face, Maybe my body isn't quite perfekt, Maybe my smile is crooked, Maybe my hair is a mess...but the truth is if it's meant to be you'll love me anyway<3 Fame & fortune... it's every girl's dream..but so is a romance as real as your skin. De-skin what I dispise, Refuse what I disagree with, this tyme I have my own voice. Maybe my depth can't be shown with words or aktions..but I suppose all that matters is the theories in my head, the morals that I substain, and the unclear thoughts that you will never understand. I live for what if questions, I breath to have my own skin, I am me because i can't be anything more or anything less. We're only born to die...we all live..we all die, noone ever knows who we truly are.

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